Marblehead Patch invites you and your circle of friends to help build a community of support for mothers and their families right here in Marblehead.

Each week in Moms Talk, our Moms Council of experts and smart moms take your questions, give advice and share solutions.

Grab and cup of coffee and settle in to read this week's question. Below is how the mom's council answered but we want to hear from you. Leave a comment in the comment box below and share your thoughts.

Question: How far should you push your child when it comes to athletics? Do you let them try all of the sports they ask you to? Where do you draw the line in your ambition for your child to succeed? 

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Karen R. Byron

At this point, the plan is to let our boys try anything they have an interest in. Last week I asked Micah if he wanted to do another soccer or swimming class at the Y and he said no, he wants to do music or dancing. So now I’m on the search for something appropriate for a three-and-a-half-year-old.

We are making an effort to expose the boys to a lot of different things – sports, music, art - so that they can define their own interests. Success for us is that they gave that interest a genuine effort. No matter how “good” they are at it, if it is something that gives them pleasure and helps them build confidence, my husband and I are happy.

As the boys get older, we expect some of their innate talents will show and they may be drawn to particular activities. We anticipate that we may see things in them that should be nurtured, curbed or focused, and will use sports and other extracurricular activities to achieve that, but it will always be about them; helping them become well-rounded, socially adept, confident and engaged boys.

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Cindy Schieffer

We're trying to introduce our six-year-old son to everything we possibly can without overwhelming him in any one season. He's excited about sports in general, but he hasn't honed in on a particular favorite or, to be honest, shown any great athletic ability in any one area.

He is long on enthusiasm and somewhat short of talent. (He's also not reading the Patch yet, so I can say that without hurting his feelings.) So, for now, he's sampling soccer and baseball, rock-climbing and swimming, cooking (yes, cooking) and sailing.  It really is a pinch of this and a dash of that.

We felt it was important to give him the chance to try everything. If he decides he doesn't like one or another (or any), then he doesn't have to do it again (but, he'll always finish the program he's in). And, despite the fact that, while bundled up at Salem State for a Sunday morning "Learn to Skate", I'm quietly chanting "I won't be a Hockey Mom, I  won't be a Hockey Mom", the truth is that if hockey is the sport he falls in love with, I'll be there. Hot chocolate in hand, bags under my eyes and my heart in my throat...I'll be there.    

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Brenda Kelley-Kim

This is a great question. I have three children, 19, 12 and 9 so we have done the sports thing. The oldest was exposed to and encouraged to try every sport out there and he did, where it be soccer, hockey, basketball, Little League, badminton etc.

He never really took to any of them, but he finished out every season or session of what he tried, that was the rule. My middle boy is more sports-oriented than his older brother, but still does not play a sport regularly. He did one year of Learn To Skate, and one year of youth hockey, but since that is a huge time and money commitment we said unless he 1. LOVED it more than anything or 2. was really good at it that he wasn't going to continue. Neither of those things applied, he didn't love it and wasn't that great at it.

My daughter, our youngest played one season of learn to play soccer clinic (Meredith Tedford was her most awesome coach!) and decided she didn't love it enough to move up to a team, with practices and games. My feeling is that you should expose your child to as much as you can, but let them decide if it is something they want to pursue fully or if they just like to play a game for fun. If your child does not have a real aptitude for a sport, and maybe is not that good at it, that can be a tough call if they really love it and want to go at it full bore. 

The one thing to remember above all though is it is your CHILD'S sport not yours.  Support them, drive them where they need to be, get them safe equipment all of that, but when they step on the field (ice, gym floor) it's all them, not you.

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Darcy Mayers

When my kids were younger, we did as much as we could handle. With three of them under five, I wasn’t too excited to pack everyone up for 45 minutes of tennis or swimming or whatever it was. Mostly, we owned every kind of ball imaginable and also cranked lots of music for impromptu dance classes. Our backyard became both an arena and a field - and I became the ambiguous judge and referee. I am sort of wistful for those (exhausting) days.

My two older daughters are now competitive soccer players. Both my husband and I played and coached them - and while I know our influence has mattered, when they heard about “club” soccer from teammates they desperately wanted to try out for it too, begged to try out in fact.

After much discussion, we let them and this has led us down a path I am often weary about: they train three days a week with their club (year-round) (30 minutes away) and two days with their Marblehead team. Do the math. Our weekends are match after match.

I worry about injuries, I worry about burn-out, I worry about all the other things they might be missing: while they’ve started lacrosse and love skiing, they’ve never had the time to audition for a lead role in a play, nor played basketball with a team, or worn a softball cap.

Sometimes I am not sure who is pushing who. Sometimes I feel like we’ve climbed aboard a ride without reading all the fine print on the ticket. Of course I want to give my kids the tools they need to succeed at what they love, but it still turns my stomach that we’re engaging in this kind of crazy stuff. Because yes! It feels crazy to me. My daughters are 9 and 11. Nine and eleven!

They never complain about practice and they get all their homework done (a very clear first priority defined by us for them), but this rigorous obsession seems silly at times. I played on the Connecticut state team when I was 14 but I didn’t own my first pair of cleats until I was 10. My daughters can identify a brand and model of cleat a half field away.

The world has changed for us as parents, but it has changed for our children most of all. If they engage in the increasingly competitive youth sports world, are we hurting our kids? If they don’t, are we cheating them? I love talking about these questions because I think about them all the time.

I’m just sorry to report that I don’t have the answer. I’m winging it, and it’s scary.

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MOMS COUNCIL:

Pam Wanstall - Pam is a stay at home mom of four, two biological sons, 14 and 11 and two adopted daughters, 7 (China) and 2 (South Korea). She holds both a BSW and an MSW (social work degrees). Pam is 41 and have lived in Marblehead for 10 years, She grew up in Lynn and has been married for 16 years.

Sharman Pollender - Sharman lives in Marblehead, with her husband, one son, 4 1/2 and a 2-year-old lab. I have been volunteering with Marblehead Festival of Arts for 5 years and have been a board member for two and currently serving on Newcomers and Natives board. 

Blakeslee Detels - Blakeslee lives in Marblehead with her husband and three girls -- ages 14, 12 and 10. Blakeslee juggles a rewarding part time job with volunteer work and getting her three girls to all to their sporting events.

Cindy Schieffer - Cindy is Devoted Mom to two crazy little boys and Lucky Wife to a man who makes her laugh harder than anyone can. Marblehead, marriage and motherhood play starring roles in her blog Confessions of a Serial Swooper. In her words, "I really can't complain. But I do a little anyway." 

Shannon Yates - Shannon lives in Marblehead with her husband Simon, their two kids ages 9 and 8, and a new chocolate labradoodle puppy. She and her family have been in the process of adopting a child from China for the past 4 years and she hopes 2011 is the year they will be matched with a little girl. Shannon has been a Coffin Gerry PTO volunteer for the past 4 years.

Annemarie Rockwell - Annemarie lives in Marblehead with her husband and three mischievious boys. Her sons are 14-, 12- and 10 -years -old. Both Annemarie and her husband work Marblehead and are in the veterinary field.  Thus, a menagerie of strays and orphans reside with them too:  dogs, cats, rabbit, ferrets, fish and a parrot.

Brenda Kelley Kim - Brenda is a Marblehead mom. She is the author of our weekly column, "Not for Nothing."

Darcy Mayers - Is the author of our weekly column, "Playdates for Grown-ups." She is also on the PTO.

Leslie Martini Eddy - Is a former Marblehead business owner and mom. She is the author of our bi-weekly column, "How They Met."

Meredith Tedford -  Meredith has lived in Marblehead for over ten years with her husband and three kids ages 11, 9 and 6. She's an avid volunteer, reluctant mini van driver and fortunate stay-at-home mom. In the "real" world  she publishes "Fans of Being a Mom," one of the largest Facebook fan pages for moms.

Karen Byron - Karen and her husband have lived in Marblehead since 2001 and are the proud parents of two boys, ages 8 months and 3 years. She happily juggles mommyhood with her business as a grant consultant to nonprofit organizations.  They can often be found exploring new hiking trails, parks and beaches in New England with their dog Jack.

Xhazzie Kindle - Xhazzie is a self-employed mom of four-year-old twins.